There are several things that can trigger self-sabotage when it comes to taking action on the things that are actually important to you. Here are a few of them.
Limiting beliefs about your ability to actually achieve your goal you desire
The steps to reach your goal are beyond your current skill set
You are trying to do too much while you are still in the phase of building the identity
Unrealistic expectations
Any of the above can create feelings of resistance, and since most human beings try to avoid such feelings forget it completely rather than address the issues.
Part of true transformation is becoming hyper self aware. Aware of your own triggers, aware of WHY you are doing what you are doing and taking responsibility for your own change.
When you are actively avoiding something that is important to you start asking yourself the right questions and figure out why you are doing it and address it. It takes courage to do so.
In my case, when I finally decided to get serious and ask myself WHY am I not working on marketing and creating content so I can build the authority I am gaining in real life, online as well, I realized it was a combination of all three of my above mentioned reasons for self-sabotage.
I know I’m a great coach but I still had a hard time envisioning myself as a coach of the status and means I dreamed about in my head. The steps required to build a following were beyond my skill set, and at times I would try to go ALL IN with some crazy posting schedule where I post daily for a while without any real strategy and not knowing what I was doing, and then I’d get discouraged when I didn’t see the results (because after a whole two weeks of posting on Instagram using poor hashtag choices I should have a million followers that I can finally share my health knowledge with right?) WRONG!
This was similar to many of my health coaching clients. They didn’t see themselves as a healthy person, they had a dream body in mind and didn’t TRULY feel they could ever really achieve it, instead they saw themselves as lazy, unmotivated people trying to force themselves into health. Then they’d go all in from sedentary for years to working out 4 times a week and cutting out fat, carbs, dairy, meat and taste from their diets. Then when they didn’t immediately see the results they wanted (or they would quickly plateau they’d get discouraged and quit.)
That was me but in regards to growing a business online. It was time for me practice what I preach on myself.
But to keep it very real I know that a belief in your ability to succeed is crucial, but so is a healthy sense of detachment that allows you to be happy no matter what the outcome. A client of mine may never reach the same body as their favourite Instagram model based on so many factors (the main one being that as a human being you aren’t made of photoshop). But they can still greatly improve their health, their body composition, their feelings of well being, their energy level, their sleep and open the door to different opportunities based on their new found health and positive outlook. The value they gain in how they fundamentally change as a person from sticking to their path is far more valuable than a final outcome of looking like an Instagram baddie.
Same goes for me, I may not ever reach that status and financial level that I desire as a health coach, but I know if I follow the path with my thoughts, speech and action all in alignment, with a true sense of belief in myself that I will change in such a positive way that I am still bound to reach a great place anyway. I’ll still have plenty of opportunities. I’ll still be a success. Sometimes its hard to know what the EXACT final outcome will be, but if you do your part you will be just fine. Think of the quote: “Shoot for the moon but land among the stars”.
So if we address the three main causes for self-sabotage that I encounter the most with my clients and with myself in terms of this whole online business thing here is my advice:
Limiting beliefs about yourself can be challenging to overcome, and they won’t just disappear with unrealistic positive affirmations. So start with BELIEVABLE self talk. If you have no idea HOW being in great shape can happen, or it seems so far off to even get excited about it, then stick to self talk like: “I am committed to improving my health on a daily basis, and everyday I get better and better”. This is a statement most people can get on board with. And as you do the small daily actions that prove your commitment and start to see results, you too can upgrade your self-talk and affirmations. But do anything to get out of the “No way I can ever reach that, I’m not motivated enough” type of talk.
In my case, instead of coming up with an affirmation like “I will be the next Tony Robbins” which my subconscious would side eye me and say “really bi*ch???” I started with: “I am committed to taking the necessary steps to growing my online coaching business consistently.” Then my subconscious looked at me and said “Yes, that’s doable, lets get at it.”
Not having the skill set can discourage anyone. But in that case it is your responsibility to learn. Figure out what knowledge gaps are preventing you from moving forward and do what you can to close the gap. In today’s world there is no reason for ignorance on any subject. There is Google, there are books, there are coaches, there are schools, there are mentors.
Which is why my clients reach out to me. With all the conflicting info out there on health and wellness they needed someone they trusted to help guide them.
In my case, I finally let go of my damsel in distress act of feeling like because I didn’t know what to do next, it meant do nothing at all and wait for some miracle to happen. I finally just ASKED for the help. I now have a plan to at least get me started.
Doing too much too soon when you are in the identity building phase is common with my health coaching clients. I know we all want to reach our goals as fast as possible, but the only way to reach a goal in a sustainable way is to ingrain the new practices into our identity, and overloading our systems with too much change at once can actually derail that. Build the identity slowly (what slow is varies from person to person) but you usually know when it’s too much. When you feel like you are taxing your willpower, or when you start to self-sabotage again. There is a sweet spot to work within, and that is where the task is challenging enough that it stretches your old identity, but not so difficult that you are sustaining it using sheer willpower and hating every second of it. Some of my clients are confused when what they want is to get in shape and I start with light exercise and mobility, shorter workout sessions and start their new meal plan with simply drinking more water and committing to a healthy breakfast everyday. Don’t worry that will progress with time, but there is no point in trying to shock ourselves into success, it just doesn’t work.
For me, even armed with my list of things to do from the business coach, which I had broken down into manageable chunks, I could have easily worked a couple hours a day on different things, but I legitimately started with the goal of just working 15 minutes a day on my business, while I built up my confidence in my ability to follow through on this new identity. Now I find myself NATURALLY doing a lot more than 15 minutes a day of work.
Another important thing to realize is when it’s time to outsource tasks. When it comes to your health YOU have no choice but to put in the work. Someone else can’t eat healthy for you but you can get help from a coach.
In other cases youc an get someone else to do the work for you and you need to know when that is the case. Spending 6 months on something that could take someone a week or two is just another form of self-sabotage. In the past I’d waste months trying to build my own website that never looked very professional, and so I was never happy with it, and so I’d spend more time on it. That was my new distraction. Well this time I had someone do it for me (what do you think? The developers name is Lucas and I highly recommend him. You can see his work here!). It was very helpful for me to be self aware about when I was procrastinating or self-sabotaging in a way that made it only SEEM like I was doing important busy work.
And lastly, be patient. There is nothing wrong with switching course if you see that what you are doing is not working. IN fact you should, however unless things are a complete train wreck I say you should give what you try a fair shot, which is why I work in 90 day increments of goal setting. You can’t give up because things aren’t exactly as you want them to be in your time frame. Make a commitment to be on the path of self improvement for LIFE, then things stop feeling so urgent and you can start to enjoy the JOURNEY.
Follow me to see how I use the same strategies I use with my health coaching clients for growing a coaching business online.
