We all have a darkside. We may not want to admit it but we all have one. Our dark side is a smorgasbord of our repressed emotions, the desires we have that we see as shameful, the negative thoughts we have about ourselves and others, and all of those personality traits that we see as undesirable.
We bury the characteristics of our shadow side so much that they start to grow a subconscious mind of their own which may result in our shadow side coming out unconsciously and manifesting in ways that we don’t want. Leaving us to feel shame and regret for things we’ve said and done after the fact.
When we are unaccepting of any part of ourselves it doesn’t just go away, it becomes “baggage.” Baggage that can affect our relationships, our sense of well being, and hinder us reaching our potential.
The repression of our dark side starts in childhood when we learn that we are rewarded for “good behaviour” and punished for “bad behaviour.” Societal norms, religion, and our upbringing are just some of the ways we learn from a young age about repressing our shadow side. Of course learning how to act in a way that is appropriate for the setting is beneficial but we are never taught how to accept that even those emotions deemed as negative are a very normal part of being human and nothing to be ashamed of. This lack of integration of our dark side as part of who we are may leave us feeling inadequate a lot of the time.
We all would love to see ourselves as “good” or at the very least we want others to see us as good so we (our ego) does its best to present the most desirable side of us to the world and hides those less desirable parts of ourselves. I’m here to say that it’s OKAY to accept that sometimes we are mean, manipulative, uncaring, jealous, sexual beings. Sometimes we feel rage and vengeful. We may sometimes feel that we could just run away from the stresses of family life, or we may feel intense jealousy towards a good friend for some good fortune they recently had. Later on we may feel guilty about those feelings, but having those feelings doesn’t mean that you don’t love your family or your friend.
Denying our shadow side can result in anxiety, depression, insomnia and even physical pain, with the back being one of the most common places to feel pain due to suppression of our shadow self. It also blocks us from living our most authentic lives and truly engaging in self-love.
Another way that the shadow self manifests is by becoming triggered and irate by the things others do or say. Often times the things we get upset at in others are the very things we are suppressing within ourselves.
Integrating our shadow self can make us feel happier, whole, more accepting of ourselves and others. It can bring forth more creativity and make you more comfortable being you. All of these benefits leaves you with more mental space to pursue the things you want in life. Accepting your shadow self can help you get unstuck from the things that hold you back from achieving your goals.
Carl Jung has done a lot of work on the shadow self and archetypes and how to use it for you rather than against you.
So how do we face our dark side? Here are a few strategies to help you do that:
- When you meditate, meditate specifically on compassion for self and others
- Acknowledge and accept whatever emotion or thoughts you may be having without judgement because its OKAY and part of the human experience
- Use a journal to record your feelings and thoughts (good and bad) and what triggered them throughout the day
- Use creative writing to cast your shadow traits onto the characters in your writing
- Talk it out with a therapist or coach
- Use the world as your mirror. Notice without judgement the feelings that come up when thinking about or observing others and write it down
If you have any questions about how to accept rather than deny your shadow self to improve your well being and bring more meaning to your life than drop me a line.
