Most people think that going after your dreams is about getting out there and just doing the work that needs to get done, and of course that is a big part of it. Some are wired for wanting to take on challenges and they seem to have this never ending energy that allows them to put in countless hours of action towards the goal, perseverance that keeps them getting up and doubling down after every setback, laser focus that allows them to block out all distractions and the necessary grit to take risks even when things are uncertain.
For most of us however, the journey towards a big goal is about learning how to get comfortable with discomfort day to day. I’m not saying the first type of person I described doesn’t feel the discomfort, they simply don’t let it stop them. They fully understand that what they desire is OUTSIDE of their comfort zone and they have accepted that as a very small price to pay for what they want. Perhaps after going through the process enough times new levels no longer feel like discomfort. I know that for myself, while I still feel that discomfort when tackling something new and challenging, and often have to fight the urge to procrastinate, self-sabotage or give up altogether, that each time I do overcome that feeling, the next time I’m faced with a challenging situation the discomfort doesn’t seem to be as powerful.
Of course how big the challenge is, and how prepared we are to take it on (in terms of experience and skills) is a huge determining factor of how much discomfort we will feel. But if you can reframe the discomfort as exactly where you need to be in order to learn, grow and get closer to your goal rather than a feeling you should fear and avoid at all costs it may help you take those much needed steps outside of your comfort zone more often.
When your body, mind or identity get tested beyond their current limits resistance within you will arise. Sometimes that resistance comes up as a general lack of motivation such as when it’s time to go to the gym 3 weeks into your New Years resolution to lose weight. Other times it might arise as a physical sense of dis-ease such as anxiety to speak in front of audience. Other times its much more subtle, all of a sudden you have a whole bunch of “urgent things” that always need to get done every time you are supposed to be doing something important.
I can give my own example of filming my second video course. I admittedly procrastinated on doing the outline, but I finally got that done last week. Well today was the day to start filming. Instead of just getting to it, the laundry all of a sudden seemed more important, then I thought I should take my bicycle to the bike shop to get fixed (as that was another thing I had been procrastinating on, but interestingly enough today it became top priority). When I got back from the bike shop (with a now rideable bike) I thought I’d wash the bike since it had 3 inches of dirt and cobwebs on it from being outdoors and unridden for several months. That’s when I stopped myself, and snapped out of it. I became self aware and realized what I was doing.
I’m glad I did notice, otherwise this could have went on all day until it was too late to start filming and I had to reschedule until NEXT Saturday. Most of us will always have times where we fall back into old habits or patterns, the important thing is how fast we can become self aware and change course.
For the record, after an hour of filming a to capture a ten minute video clip for the course, in playback I could hear the sounds of my very non touristy Mexican neighborhood (dogs, chickens, neighbours music, ice cream man) so in the end it was a bust. Now I must not use this as an excuse to put this off for another month. I must find a quiet filming location ASAP and I already know who I will ask to help me with this. But I thought this experience would be a great blog post topic.
Once you understand that you are subconsciously always either running towards pleasure or comfort and running away from pain or discomfort as simply the normal functioning of your brain and not that you are inherently lazy or lacking motivation you can then have a lot more power and control over a situation.
Try to reframe the discomfort or resistance as your cue to ACT. That discomfort is telling you that it’s your opportunity to grow and expand your identity by taking action anyway.
Some people may have a higher baseline for self-discipline than you but we all have the potential and ability to grow our own level of self-discipline with practice in these moments of resistance, so don’t compare yourself to others, just work on yourself.
Here are a few ways to deal with resistance towards taking the actions needed to get you to your desired outcome.
- Read your North Star. Bring to mind WHY you want to achieve the goal in the first place. Think of your big picture vision 5 years down the road.
- Language MATTERS! – Stop talking about the steps needed to reach your vision as things you don’t like, or things you hate doing. Say that something is challenging now but you are committed to getting better.
- Accept and acknowledge uncomfortable feelings. The best way to process feelings of resistance is to acknowledge them without judgement. You can first look at what story you are telling yourself (are you mentally telling yourself “you don’t want to do something, or dont like to do something?) use facts and use your words wisely: Ask yourself WHY you are feeling this way? Is it because you have to do something that is new, challenging or maybe both? Then acknowledge that. Do you believe that the more you practice the thing the easier it will get? Then tell yourself that! Are you lacking a particular skillset? Then learn the necessary skill to continue.
- Use the 2 minute rule. One of the keys to long term change is going at the right pace for you. Consistent small steps are better than random binges. If you are feeling a lot of resistance and the steps above didn’t work and you still DONT FEEL LIKE IT, rather than giving up, do the task for 2 minutes and do it with the mindset that you are growing and learning and working on your goals and that this will lead to big things over time. Don’t do it grudgingly and with a bad attitude or else the action will be tied with negative feelings. You will find that often, once you start its really not so bad and you keep going. And if you really do only do it for 2 minutes you should still be proud of yourself for breaking an old pattern of just giving up.
- Focus on what you will GAIN from performing the task NOT how boring it may be, or how you may not be good at it, or how you don’t like it.
- And if you do follow through after acknowledging the resistance, celebrate yourself. Because it’s not easy breaking out of old patterns and cycles, and that self recognition will help build your confidence and motivation to continue.
Progress not perfection is the name of the game! See you in the next article.
