It might not be obvious to many but always “trying” to be happy, or pushing away what you may consider to be a negative emotion using positive affirmations is not necessarily healthy. We forget that all emotions good and bad are part of the human experience and to try and push those away may actually cause those negative feelings to resurface again and again, often times even more intensely. Oftentimes leaving us to feel like we are failing at life because we just can’t seem to be STAY happy.
The goal of life is not to feel happy all the time, but to love and accept all parts of ourselves. Even those seemingly “negative” parts. Ironically, the more we do that the less we will feel unhappy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us for feeling sad, angry or depressed. It would be unrealistic to think that we could always avoid such feelings, but what we can do is have a greater sense of control and peace in our lives no matter what feelings come about simply by being present for those feelings. Rather than repressing them, or trying to replace them with toxic positivity.
I would like to present you with 5 ways to lean into your emotions without letting them take over.
- Acknowledge and accept the emotion with compassion. Naming the feeling allows some space between you and the emotion itself. Having compassion for yourself feeling the way you do allows you to be a non judgemental observer of the emotion rather than bashing yourself for not being able to stay happy and positive, or getting caught up in the emotion itself which will fuel the intensity of the emotion. You might say something like: “I feel angry right now, and it’s tough but it’s also okay.”
- Not taking yourself and the human experience and all of its emotions too seriously can also help. I do this by literally saying HELLO to the emotion. It might sound silly but it really does help to decrease the intensity of the feeling by not getting caught up in it. I will sometimes say: “Hello doubt, so we meet again.”
- Go inward to actually FEEL the emotion physically, rather being stuck in your head with a narrative that is either fueling the uncomfortable emotion or trying really hard to repress the uncomfortable emotion. Do a body scan and name the physical attributes of the emotion. For example if you are feeling angry it may mean that your temperature has risen, your palms are sweaty, your heart rate has accelerated, there is a heaviness in your chest. Do a full body scan from head to toe, and spend a few moments in each area where you feel physically feel something. Do deep diaphragm breathing as you perform the body scan. This allows the emotion to run its course naturally. The better you get at this exercise the quicker the feeling passes naturally, leaving you feel lighter. When you repress the feeling the emotion gets trapped within your body only to come back stronger each time you are triggered.
- Be about yourself, and your emotions and what they are trying to tell you. Emotions are actually information, letting you know what you want, and what you need in the moment. Being curious about why you are feeling the way you do can lead to solutions and better outcomes in the long run. If a certain situation is causing you to feel angry repeatedly, well don’t keep sweeping it under the run. Figure out why so that you can do something about it.
- Write in your journal. Journaling is a great way to regulate your emotions. Especially when you may be in a situation where you are unable to properly process the feelings in the moment, such as when you are in a business meeting. Acknowledging feelings after the fact is not too late and can still be very therapeutic for you.
